I really hope death doesn’t come with this whole grim reaper thing like it’s really scary. My anxiety tends to start with me thinking about dying. I first start thinking about my heart beating which makes me think it’s not beating on rhythm and I start to panic which leads me to think I can’t swallow because my throat is closing up and I really fear not being ale to breath it’s this whole thing I go through and I wish I could stop it because it’s really pointless when it is my time it will be just that my time. I swear being in my 50’s has really had me thinking life is so short like it really is and even though you never know when God will call you home you do know that you will be called. It is the only thing that is certain in this life and that scares me too. My grandmother is 104 and she has no fear of dying at all. I have never heard her once complain about an ache or pain and when we discuss my fear she always says “If you know where you are going there in nothing to fear”. Maybe that’s my problem and I need to get right with God on a even more personal level so I know where I am going.
My first close experience with death was my Freshman year in high school. This guy would visit for the summer and for the last 2 summers he was my summer boyfriend lol funny when I think about that but it’s the truth. When Tyson would arrive that Saturday after school let out for the summer he became MY boyfriend it was a unsaid rule lol anyway the that summer he wasn’t going back until the weekend after we went back to school. His school was starting later than ours that year. My girl Nia called me and said “You listening the radio?” “YESSSSSSSSSSS they said my name OMGOSH GIRL”. It was the first day of school shout outs on the radio and Tyson had dedicated Two Occasion to me. I called his aunts house praying she had left out for work no answer DANG. Nia was at the door to walk with me to school so there was no time to call back. I was feeling so good when I walked into the gates as a freshman of Eagle high school. People kept coming up to me saying “That song was for you on the radio this morning uh?” “Who is Tyson?” or “I didn’t know you went with Tyson from Glen Willow!” I was on cloud 9 thinking back I sure wish we had cellphones back then s&@t even a pager would have been nice but I would have to wait to see Tyson until after school let out.
When the last bell rang I was at the gate waiting on Nia so we could walk home together. I kept hearing talk of a car crash and how it was gang related then I heard some bangers got shot up around the Fox Hill mall it was so much going on. Nia said she heard it was some kids who ditched school that got killed in a drive by. When I got home my brother told me he saw on the news that Tyson and 2 other people were killed in a car accident some rival gang members had a shootout at the mall. Tyson was in the car that sped away the other guys chased them all the way from fox hill mall and the girl Wendy who was driving lost control of the car and ran into a tractor trailer all 3 of them died at the scene. My brother was talking to me as the news story played in the back ground. Nia rushed back to my house and we cried together we knew Wendy too. Tysons body was shipped by to Mississippi where he was from. I never got to tell him I heard his dedication on the radio. I never got to say goodbye I was devastated. Since I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend my mother had no idea I even knew Tyson so she thought I was going through this state of sadness because I went to school with Wendy. True I was sad about her too I mean she was my age and we used to be friends in elementary school but it was all Tyson my tears were all for him.
Nia and I attended Wendy’s funeral it was a double funeral I didn’t know she had a brother it was his funeral too. I remember the loud scream that came from their mothers mouth when the casket was closed I will never forget it. Nia’s mom took us and picked us up she was the one who told us what to wear and what to expect from the funeral. She patted our backs and held us as we cried I always loved Nia’s mother. My mom didn’t even ask me anything about the services which was cool because I wanted to push it to the back of my mind as far back as it would go. When ever I hear Two Occasions I think of Tyson
Two Occasions by The Deele
A summer love is beautiful
But it’s not enough
To satisfy emotions
That are shared between us A winter love is cozy
But I need so much more
It just intensifies my wants
To have a love that endures’Cause every time I close my eyes
I think of you
And no matter what the season nears
I still love you
With all my heart
And I want to be with you
Wherever you are I only think of you on two occasions
That’s day and night
I’d go for broke if I could be with you
Only you can make it right An autumn love is special
At this time of the year
But when the leaves are gone
Does that love disappear I never underestimate the new love of spring
But I’m glad to say in my heart
I know my love’s lasting’Cause every time I close my eyes
I think of you
And no matter what the season nears
I…
Truth about a Dream 